"I Don't Want To Go Backwards In My Life"

As I was writing my blog last night my husband said, "I don't want to go backwards in my life". Well derr! nor do I for heaven's sake! However, I have struggled with juggling full-time work and Riley's special needs for too long. For three years I have felt guilty and deprived about the fact that I can't take him to school or pick him up. Thankfully, the Mahjong Nazi is amazing and picks him up 3 times a week. She also takes him to his dyslexia reading tutor and occupational therapy for his handwriting (and they are never late for either!). Without her, we would not be able to give Riley the extra support that he needs. The school also has out of hours school care, otherwise we could not do it.

For the last three years I worked in a job where there was a lot of flexibility and was close to Riley's school, but for many reasons, that school destroyed my soul, so I applied for a transfer and got one. The school I now work at is a very good school and much better than the last for many reasons, but it is a 40 minute drive each way and there is no flexibilty.

On the first day back this term the principal announced that a colleague had died of a heart attack over the holidays. Whe the principal made the announcement, I looked around at my peers, the team he had worked amongst for the last 15 years and there was no reaction. I assumed it wasn't the same Brent that I knew. Later that day, the principal made a comment about the difficulty in replacing a media teacher and it hit me, this was the Brent that I had called a peer and formed a fledgling relationship with.

The school I work in has a huge staff, but he was one of the 7 people I knew. I saw him everyday, I had to walk through his classroom to get to one of mine and I was usually a few minutes late, he was always gracious about my intrusion. He was laid back and easy to talk to. I was shocked that such a laid back guy of only 57 could die so suddenly, but more shocked by the fact that no-one seemed moved.

I had been toying with starting a business. I really want to just write, but know that I need a more practical approach to achieving my dream. I had wanted to start up a cleaning business, I am great at organising and know how to clean houses. With this business in place I then want to work on my writing and editing business. There is never a good time to make life changing decisions like this unless you win LOTTO. Sadly, the LOTTO eludes me. On hearing about Brent's death and seeing the lack of reaction by my peers, I was galvanised to make a change for the better.

That night I created a website for my business. The next day I went in and told them that I would not be able to work full-time for them anymore. We will see what happens from here, but for me, life is too short to waste. I want to be able to take Riley to school and pick him up and there is no way I can see if my business will work until I actually have the time to try it. 

The way I see it, I don't mind going backwards to go forwards. I hope Cliff can see this too.