The Problem With Boobs

From what I can fathom breasts have just one purpose, to feed a baby. After they have performed that service, there is no other use for them. Men seem to like them and they do fill out a dress rather nicely, but otherwise they are obselete.

After the Majong Nazi had breast cancer in 2005 she went to have genetic testing and there is a risk that we have the BRCA1 gene which indicates a an 87% chance of developing breast cancer. After that my sister and I were considered to be high risk and we have been linked to hospital breast centres ever since.

Today I went for my annual mammogram, this always takes ages because every single time they tell me that I have very dense breasts and that they need to do an ultrasound. This time was a little different. I had my mammogram and then they came out and said that I had to have my right breast done again because they had, "seen something that could be something". I felt absolutely sick with fear as this breast was mammogramed again and I waited for more information.

In the waiting room there are two clusters of chairs, one cluster is where the chatty, friendly people sit and the other one is where the others, like me, sit. I just want to read my book and not make eye contact with anyone, but as I sat there reading the same sentence over and over the thought of moving to the chatty group did cross my mind.

Normally when I have my ultra sound a radiographer does it, this time a radiologist did it and the radiographer sat next to me making small talk while I craned my neck to look at the screen (after six breast ultrasounds, you know what your breast tissue looks like). He was keeping pretty quiet about the proceedings  and there were lots of photos taken of the top right side of my breast.  I asked him if everything was ok and he said he was going to get the consultant to also have a look.

By this time I was starting to shake with fear and imagine worst case scenarios in my head. Finally the consultant came and she repeated the whole process, also telling me that my breasts were complex and extremely dense. She pointed out the cysts that I know my breasts are full of and decided that one of them needed to be aspirated, but she also said that it didn't look like there was anything else there, but I needed an MRI to be sure.

I have had two other MRI's for my breasts before, so I am not too worried. The last time I had an MRI I actually fell asleep in the MRI machine, which they said was a first.

I then met with the doctor who is the general physician in the Breast Centre and we looked at times for my MRI in the next two months. While I was with her she asked me if I had considered having a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy (a preventative double mastectomy), which until then I hadn't considered. I know that for some women this is a very real course of action, check out Lindsay Avner at Bright Pink, who at the time was the youngest woman to have this operation. 

She told me it was something to think about.

Fortunatley I am going away for the next week, so will have lots of thinking time. When I'm not thinking I will be focussed on trying not to cry. My boobs may have served their biological purpose, but I'm not so sure I'm ready to give them up.

I write this post respectful of all people who have bigger dilemmas; are breast cancer sufferers; breast cancer survivors; or have lost someone to breast cancer.